生存之道。。

一直以来，
我知道自己都不是独立的小孩，
我是一个很容易被影响的小孩，
我很容易的犹豫不决，
我习惯了依赖。。。
依赖父母，家人，朋友，
我习惯了会在做决定前提问，
我习惯了接受大家的意见。。

慢慢的，
我害怕自己做决定，
我害怕做错决定，
我更害怕做错了会后悔，
所以，我不喜欢下决定。。。

一直到我真的需要下决定了，
无可否认，
英国？澳洲？
哪里一个是最好的选择？

当初决定去英国，

受到朋友的影响，肯定有的。。

钱的问题，时间的问题+++ 的问题

决定了去英国。。。

一个人的离乡背井，

没有了家人帮我做决定，

没有了人给我多多的意见，

我有点怕了。。

开始，

我开始了学习，

怎么去考虑，

怎么去想最好的，

怎么给自己最佳的选择？

这些，不是一天就能习惯的。。。

不是说我要做就做到的。。。

每做一个决定时的忐忑不安，

依然会盘绕在我的心中。。。

时间加实践，

我知道诀窍了，

做决定时， 忐忑依然，

可是我多了一份信心。。

可是依然，

有人告诉我，

你太没有主见了，太容易跟随别人了。。

我笑笑的，没多说什么，

这是你不了解我。。

------------------------------------------------------------

这是我没主见的原因吗？

你不知道，

这是我的生存之道。。

在有一大堆意见的同时，

多提一个，不是会把情况弄得更糟吗？

只在适当时，说出一句，

可以不乱，不吵的，

有决定了，不好吗？

我胸无大志，

我希望天下太平，

我只不想把周围的人闹得不愉快，

所以，

我看起来随便，

我看起来很好用，

我看起来很好商量，

我看起来很容易被遗忘，

我看起来很不需要被重视。。。

我随便，并不代表没有原则，

我很好用，可是也要我心甘情愿采用的着，

我好商量，也有我的底线，

我容易被遗忘，可是没有了我很多的小细节也被遗忘了，

我不被重视，不代表我没有价值。。

说到底，

我明白，不是每一个人都了解你，

不是每一个人都知道你的价值，

有这么多的人，

大家都会用同一种方法看人，

都只是用眼睛，看外表。。。

可是，

我知道，

我清楚自己的价值，

真正的价值，

有心人会知道，

自己也会知道，

这样就足够了。。

不必在乎别人的批评，别人对你表面的看法，

做好自己，

问心无愧，

对自己有足够的信心，

就够了。。

just passed the moody period..^^

Without any reason,
i was moody for few days..
Dont feel like talking with anyone,
no mood to start my report and assignment,
just to quarantine myself in the room.
I was staying in the room for the whole day,
until the dinner time..
I go and cook my dinner then back to the room again..
Why am i doing so?
Actually i have no idea..
just dont feel like talking with people...
Am i wierd?
No, i dont tink so..
This just a short period to let myself release..
No need to social with other people but just do what i want..
But i knowing that, this is just a very short period..
I will fully charge myself and continue to my life as usual.
sometime i was enjoy to be alone,
do what i want, just to be myself..
In this period, i will think a lot..
Think of my future, think of anything that i miss and also have a day dream..:P
Sometimes i may feel happy, funny, sad or even feel very home sick..
But i wont let all this thinking affect my life here,
It just my fancy on that time,
after this,
i hope that a whole new of me will appear..
waiting for it...

我不刻意强求别人的存在，一定只会对别人照成困扰而破坏掉一切的。。

那天，看了一篇漫画，
里面，看到了这一句：

“ 我不刻意强求别人的存在，一定只会对别人照成困扰而破坏掉一切的”。。

看到了，就让我有点点的感触，不知道为什么。。
就这样，我把它放到我的personal message 上。。
诶，结果回响还蛮热烈的喔。。
不少人问我，是不是在感情上遇到了问题。。
我的感情问题，有没有呢?
其实，自己也不是很了解自己。
想要去喜欢一个人，应该也需要些勇气的吧，
我目前，可能还没找到那个勇气，
说没有想过要找个人来疼自己，是骗人的，
单身了这么久，当然希望自己能有所改变吧。。
有没有机会呢？
我也不晓得，
以后的事情，谁知道呢？
有人告诉我，有时我所给的statement,所说的话，
给人感觉是很清醒，知道自己要的是什么，
可是当我真正遇到了这些问题，
其实还是很茫然的，
该给什么样的反应，
不是很清楚，就这样，可能让我错失了很多的机会吧。。
不仅仅是感情，很多生活上的学问，跟人相处的学问，
我还是有很多进步及发展的空间吧。。
加油咯。。^^

胡思乱想。。

心情，是复杂的。。
一切，都是个未知数，
不懂得该如何表达，
不懂得该如何透露。。
不想管了，不要想了，
不想知道，不想懂得，
只要现在一切安好，
维持原状，未尝不是件好事。。
只要没有伤害到，
我不介意，
继续当朋友。。
。
。
。
。
。
笑脸迎人，
只为了不想让人察觉，
不让人洞悉，心里真正的感觉，
用这样的保护色，让我更自在。。

should b a busy saturday...

today is saturday and it should b a busy saturday...
i am having 2 report to hand in next thursday, one os only half way while the other one stil haven start yet..
What had i been done for the whole day? i also dont noe.
I decide not to follow a moew they all went to NEwcastle, bcz i wan2 finish my micro report by today..but, look at me, what is the time now?
It is 4pm afternoon, what had i done for the whole day?
i cant answer u, i really no idea that, y am i b so slow in progress.....
i did the intro part for 3 days but stil cant finnish it, damn it...
This never been happened to me, took so much time to just doing the introduction....
y is it happended? is it becz if too long holiday b4, my brain is still in rest mood, their function is still haven been refresh? mayb yes....=.=!!
The sky is getting dark, my mind is getting blank, haih..
time to wake up tyng, u cant continue like tat, it is WRONG!!!
i mz really finish my report by today, no matter how!!!MUST...

Trip to Durham

Saturday, 11,Oct 2008.

Yesterday we were following the Chaplaincy and have a trip to Durham.

The day b4, all of us r busying prepare our lunch, seems like going to picnic..haha

What i had prepare? very light n easy lunch....jz a sandwich~~~~~~

On saturday morning, we need to gathered at 9am.

Aft that, we took bus to Durham n it only took abt 30min to reach.

The 1st place to visit, is the Durham Cathedral church...

My 1st impression, it is HUGE!!!!


compare to the church at sunderland, they are so tiny.....

Heard that, the church is more than 900 years old,

Heard that, St Cathbert was buried in this church...

but such a dissappointed things is, we are not allowed to take pic in the church....

The stained glass, the decorate, the huge pillar inside is so amazing.....

There is also a very big piano with 5200paip in the church, and it is still working...

While in the church, listen to the harmony piano sounds, it made me feel so peaceful...

Besides that, we went for a short service at one of the chapel in the church...

We able to receive communian during the service.

But, me n wendy feel a bit bit weird for the service,

so finally we decide not to receive the communian...hihi our group pic

Aft that, we jz walk around the Durham town.

Actually, Durham is also a quite small town.

wif jz few streets and thats all.

In such a small town, we met sharon j, sharon tay and also bibi.

We r so happy to c each other.

At abt 4pm, we r gathered n time to go bc...

This is jz our short trip n i tink all of us have a good time too....

taking in front of the church

the sickness spread in my block

Only few weeks here, but in my block, nearly all the residents are fall sick already..

Most of us had been got fever or cold or flu but only left hong and leo are the two exception.

God bless two of u, hope tat u two wont b like us as well.

Aft one week i reached here, my skin start wif bit problems dy.

Itchy redness appeared on my leg and they start to spread to the whole leg...

It is really itchy itchy n itchy!!!

My leg was in redness n it really looks ugly wif that... Really hard to find a smooth part on my leg dy....Y.Y

Aft few days, i met wif new friend, Jenny. She recommanded me to buy a cream at pharmacy.. The cream is really helpful....

Honestly the cream is better than my lotion, but it also cost me 4pounds.....

When i went to GP, the clinic that i registered for medical checkup, i asked the nurse..

Her advise to me is, u better have a dc appoinment..

I tought i aft i made an appoinment, i can c the dc in btw few days...

But, i tought is jz only wht i tought, the truth is i need to wait for more than a week to get my dc appoinment...

Wa......... The ppl here i tink better they on feel sick,

more than one week to wait for seeing dc, by the time the ppl is either recover dy or die dy lo...

Really is a weird system..

B4 my dc appoinment reached, i really fall into sick again.

Without any syndrome, i got fever, then flu n cough also come n find me dy....

But my dc appoinment is not reach yet, so that wht can i do is jz bcome my own dc n pharmarcyst..

Thx a lot u my friends here, Julia, hong, cat n hweeli.

They cooked a lovely soup for me and the hot n nice soup really helps a lot.

It made me feel much much more better.. Thx a lot..

Now my sick is almost cure, only left the cough which take time to recover.

But, the ppl around me are sick, we jz like taking turn to sick~~~

So pity all of us...This all is jz bcz of the cold weather here.

Take good care la, all my friends...

Today, my dc appoinment is finally reached.

I go n c dc n he said that my skin is due to eczema..He prescript me to buy a cream...

wao.........so exe the cream~~~~I am jz a poor student god, i cant afford al tis.

So, right now i stil haven bought it, let me b my dc again la..

If my racious stil cant b cure, then mayb i need to go n buy it dy....Y.Y

Time is late now, better sleep earlier, then can get good immunity, then wont b sick so often la..

Really very pity feel sick when u r outside, especially u r mild away from home~~~

U wil really miss your home at that time.!!!

Yea.......this is how my leg look like, but this is nearly recover dy.. The worst period was over....